pride & prejudice

i am very prideful. for me much of that pride comes in the form of wanting to do things at a pretty high level. i want the things that i do to stand out as original, creative, and quality. i believe that allot of people don’t see this because i try to do the opposite of what my prideful self wants. my prideful self wants to do things that i receive the credit for so instead i try to be laid back and pass credit towards other people. this doesn’t always work and therefore allot of times i do things for my glory rather than for GOD’s glory.

i tell you the above to set up the following – i had a very prideful moment tonight. i try to walk montana, our basset hound, every other day or so. i love walking montana. it is a very peaceful time during which i can either just enjoy the quiet or take my ipod and listen to music or messages. tonight i decided to listen to a rob bell message on community when my prideful moment happened. during the intro bell talked about what he had discussed during his previous two week’s messages. apparently during the previous weeks before this message on community bell had talked about about the concept of “journey” within the scripture. i hadn’t heard the message but all i was concerned about was how similar his message was to my message from this past week at “the view.” all i was worried about was that anyone hearing my message might think that i stole ideas from rob bell.

how stupid is this? first, rob bell is an amazing speaker. i have taken ideas from him before (though i ask permission via email first and give him credit during the message when i do). if i had known that he was speaking on journeying before i spoke on it you better believe that i would have listened to the message and gladly used ideas if they fit. second, the only reason i was worried about rob bell messages was that i simply didn’t want anyone who heard my message thinking that i had not come up with the message myself. it was entirely about me wanting the credit from what others considered a good idea. this is pathetic. finally, i continually forget that everything is dependent upon the HOLY SPIRIT and not me. it’s not my skill (of which there isn’t much) that reaches people and brings healing. nope it’s the power of GOD. this is why sometimes messages that I think are great don’t seem to move anyone and other times messages that i thought completely sucked end up with people running towards GOD. HE does all the work i am merely a very poor instrument and therefore HE should get all the credit.

so part of my healing is telling y’all how prideful i am.

my name is robert and i am a very screwed up human being.