love / hate relationship

i love wednesdays - i hate wednesday nights.

i love wednesdays and preparing for our youth worship service, the view. i love the constant work of getting everything ready. it's a constant rush to make sure that everything is set for when we start the service. computer work has to be done, programs have to be printed, sound system equipment has to be put up and tested. there is always something else to do. i never have to wonder on wednesdays what i'm going to do next because there is always something else to do. even though we plan many parts of the service weeks ahead of time there is always something else that needs to be done.

i hate wednesday night because it's over and now i begin to wonder. did GOD speak tonight, did i get in the way, did the kids "get it", did i "get it, where we prepared enough? wednesday nights are when the questions begin to pour into my head. u start feeling pretty insecure concerning what we've done. i begin to ask why more people didn't say something about the service or why so many people did say something. i start to wonder and there don't seem to be any immediate answers to the questions that keep running through my head. the answers won't come until later in the week.

i kind of wish that i could always just keep preparing for the view and never actually finish it. then i wouldn't have to go through wednesday nights.